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By
Cathie Black
Posted: October 20, 2009 at 11:25 pm | Comments 6 Subscribe to this author's RSS feed 
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Remember when the media was full of stories about superwomen who were working full-time jobs, raising perfect children, volunteering at their children’s schools, and hosting gourmet dinner parties in their spare time? Meant to be an inspiration, instead they made everyone else feel inadequate – and probably had nervous breakdowns themselves.
I am often perceived as “having it all” and let me say this outright: I hate that phrase. It implies that every person wants exactly the same thing, which is completely untrue. You don’t have to marry the lawyer or doctor, win the U.S. Open, and become a CEO all in the same year in order to find success and happiness. Blindly striving to have it all is not the answer. Having what I call a “360-degree Life” isn’t about reaching the top in everything you do – it’s about achieving balance and creating a fully rounded existence, one that encompasses deep satisfaction with your personal life, work, and family.
I was a workaholic in my twenties, wanting not only to achieve, but to overachieve – to go farther, faster, and do more than anyone else. I did whatever it took to get ahead in my career. I was really happy during those years and don’t regret a moment of all that hard work. Yet today, with a husband, two teenage children, and a black lab, I have a keener appreciation for life’s other pleasures. I still work hard and travel constantly, but when I’m away from work, I’m truly away. Even if you’re ambitious, it’s not a crime to leave at five-thirty on some days. You’ll be a better, more effective employee if you have a satisfying personal life.
If you want both a family and a career, can you do it all? Maybe you can have all the things you want – just not all at the same time. In my case, this meant focusing mainly on work in my twenties and thirties and becoming a mother in my forties. That choice wouldn’t suit everyone, but it worked for me. My husband Tom and I both were comfortable with my returning to work full-time shortly after adopting our son, Duffy. It was always a balancing act to raise kids, work long hours, and travel at the same time, but it is doable and possible to have a 360∞ Life, though time and energy are both finite, so you’ll have to make choices.
Explore solutions to the family-plus-work equation – either traditional or not so traditional – that might work for you. And try to remember, it’s not about whether you can have it all, it’s about whether you can be happy whatever you’re doing.
Cathie,
I speak to so many women still trying to ‘have it all’, and struggling with it. They will ask me how I do everything I do. (I remind them I don’t have children, and I’m pretty sure my dog doesn’t count.)
The message needs to be out there that there are times in our lives that we focus on different things. Our priorities shift and change throughout our lives. We might ‘have it all’ over the long-term, but not all at once.
I appreciate women at the forefront such as yourself setting the record straight about how it really works and that it’s about being happy, whatever choices we make.
All the best!
deb
I agree Cathie and Deb. Being in my, well 37, I recall when all I wanted in life was to be the greatest trial paralegal, travel and have a window office. Now, my desire is marriage, a child and changing careers. I’ve struggled with the new Me..its good to have women mentors out there sharing how they’ve achieved and prioritized both worlds
Isn’t it funny how we can struggle with our own identity when we decide we want something else? So many women become almost “apologetic” in describing their desire for a balanced life.
Cathie,
I really enjoyed your comments because they speak directly to so many women on the topic of work/life balance. I especially agree with your comment, “If you want both a family and a career, can you do it all? Maybe you can have all the things you want – just not all at the same time.”
I think what we sometimes forget is that life is cyclical and most women will find they have more time in their 20’s and 30’s to focus on work. Later in the 30’s and 40’s comes a shift in priorities as women focus more on their family, raising children and even caring for parents or grandparents. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with different priorities at different phases in our lives.
Unfortunately, what I see a lot in my coaching practice is women coming to me for help because they’re being told by others that they “don’t have good work/life balance” and they “need help” becoming normal. I’m always saddened and horrified when I hear those comments and I dare anyone to define “normal” because every woman and situation is different.
What we need to realize is that every woman is unique and special – and we should stop judging others or trying to put onto others our own definition of “normal”. We can “have it all in life”, but let’s allow ourselves a lifetime to do so instead of trying to fit it all into one day.
Lisa Quast
http://www.CareerWomanInc.com