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Mulberry Tree Consulting
Posted: March 9, 2010 at 8:55 am | Comments 6 Subscribe to this author's RSS feed 
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Why Working with Friends and Family Works:
Trust: You already have a connection as a friend or relative … You already know each other’s stories
Familiarity: You know each other and you still want to entertain the idea of partnership – that says a lot right there
Communication: You’re used to making plans and dealing with problems
“That’s the greatest strength – having my sisters to give me encouragement, say my ideas are ok. In areas where I’m weak, my sisters make up for it. We’re stronger as a whole.”
- Angella Ahn, The Ahn Trio, internationally known chamber music group made up of three sisters
We’re biased, we admit it. As business partners who have been friends since high school, of course we’re going to cite the pros of working with friends and family! Frankly, we can’t imagine a better way of working. Our collaboration has been so enriching and meaningful it inspired us to write a book – Between us we have it all celebrates the success and sanity that come from women’s partnerships.
But don’t take our word for it.
Take the word of the 60 women business partners across the US who eagerly shared their stories about all they’ve gained, professionally and personally, from teaming with women they trust. These women who include mothers and daughters, sisters and friends are working together to lead cutting-edge businesses, write best-selling books, produce award-winning movies and accomplish major goals.
The secret to their success? It all boils down to trust. Collaboration only succeeds when partners trust each other – when they have full faith and confidence in each other’s competence, commitment and integrity.
The truth is, it’s a whole lot easier to trust someone when you know them well. You can relax, be yourself, let your guard down.
That doesn’t mean that friendship and family ties are pre-requisites for harmonious collaborations. Partners who didn’t have past relationships report being satisfied by working together. However they had to start their connection from scratch while knee-deep in the stressful process of constructing a business.
We realize that a prior relationship is no guarantee of success. As anyone who has ever witnessed a friendship exploding or family feuding over a business gone bad can confirm, breaking up is hard to do. But, based on our experience and interviews with partners, we know that when families and friends nurture the relationships at the core of their business, the results are rewarding, productive and satisfying.
6 Steps for Success:
Start fresh. You are entering a new relationship with people you know well. Put away your assumptions and memories and carve out new roles.
Be honest. Be clear with yourself and your partners about your expectations for the partnership and the business. Take time to think through and discuss your collective hopes, fears and expectations for now and the future.
Inventory skills. Do you really have what it takes to lead this business together? What skills and experience do you each bring to the collaboration? What’s missing? How will you fill in the gaps?
Face conflict. Conflict is a part of every relationship, new or old. It’s how it’s handled that matters. Sometimes conflict is easier to manage for family and friends who are comfortable honestly communicating together. But in many cases the opposite is true and old dynamics have to be redefined to successfully face new issues.
Forecast the future. There’s a reason 50% of new businesses fail. Life happens! What if … a child is sick, a partner has to relocate, the work isn’t financially viable, priorities change, other opportunities arise? Thinking through the toughest scenarios now will prepare you for future challenges.
Document how you’re going to work together. We strongly recommend that you and your partner meet with a lawyer to document an official partnership agreement. This document clarifies your roles, determines how you’ll handle major conflict, outlines the terms of your business relationship and goes a long way in helping to preserve the relationship at the core of your business.
6 Responses to “The Secret to Their Success: Working with Friends and Relatives”
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Nice article, thanks! It sounds like you have really good chemistry, which is probably the most important ingredient of all.
Yes, chemistry and a mutual willingness to communicate, be accountable and get the work done!
Facing conflict is where most of these partnerships go wrong. We think we’re doing the right thing by “letting things slide” but sometimes that is exactly what causes them to build up and become big problems. I speak from personal experience. I almost lost one of my best friends this way. We got along beautifully for 17 years and did not last even a year in business together.
I’m happy to say that we have mended fences and things are fine. No business is worth a dear friend. I’m not saying that things cannot work between friends, but it’s important to realize that you can be great friends and not great colleagues.
Good for you for mending fences — it’s not easy and yo are so right — just because you are great friends does not mean that you are going to be great colleagues. And in many cases the opposite is true. Before jumping into partnership, imagine every difficult, painful scenario together — talk through how you typically face conflict, what works, what doesn’t. You’re not going to address every possible issue that might occur, of course. But what you are going to do is test drive your approaches to conflict — you’re going to start facing the trickiest topics together. So that when conflict does really hit (and it will), you’ll know what it looks like and just what to do in ways that bolster vs. destroy your collaboration.
It is beautiful that you all are able to work together. However I can see how this can be hard for many, especially if people are more concerned with protecting one’s feelings, than protecting the business.